You’ve heard the saying, “It’s the thought that counts.” Baloney. No matter how bad the gift, mom will always say she loved it and give a pretty convincing performance. Dad on the other hand is more transparent. This Father’s Day, if you want dad to actually like his gift, avoid these five bad gift ideas at all costs.

Ties: The tie is a safe gift. It is also a very trite one. Dad probably already has a closet full of them, and if he doesn’t have one, then that means he doesn’t want one. No matter how tempted you are to get him that pure silk tie that’s been marked down to $9.99, don’t. What’s worse than a regular tie, those novelty ties. You know, the ones with goofy themes on them. If dad needs a tie, he’ll pick one up himself.

Personal Hygiene Products: Would you give someone stick of deodorant as a gift? If you said yes, you need help. If you’re semi-normal like the rest of us, of course you wouldn’t even think about giving a gift like that, so why give dad a personal hygiene gift like nose hair clippers? Yes it’s a gadget. It’s a man’s item, but it’s not appropriate or thoughtful. Let dad decide when he should do something about his nose hair problem.

World’s Best Dad…Anything: T-shirts, hats, key chains, bottle openers, beer mugs, boxer shorts. Go to any retail store right now and you’ll see a ton of these items with the phrase, “World’s Best Dad,” or “World’s Greatest Dad” stamped across it. I hate to say it, but it’s cheesy. It’s a last-minute, the store is closing, and I gotta grab something quick because tomorrow is Father’s Day gift. Tell dad he’s the greatest. It will mean more to him than a T-shirt.

Cheap Cologne: If you’re not going to get dad the real cologne, don’t bother at all. The colognes under $10 at the drug store don’t really count. They look cheap, and they smell cheap. After about a year, you’ll notice that the bottle on dad’s dresser is still full.

Fancy Pens: I don’t care how much it cost, what was engraved on it or what it is made out of. It’s a pen, and it shouldn’t be given to dad as a gift for Father’s Day. When you come down to it, it’s ink. You bought dad ink. Not much thought goes into a gift of this caliber, and he knows it. And don’t try to justify that it cost $30. It’s still just a pen.