5 Simple Rules for Busting Balls

There are rules. To everything. Personally, I have 9 Rules to Life©, but the first two are the most important. Rule #1 - Everyone's an Idiot. Rule #2 - See Rule #1. We ALL fall under those rules at some point. Some of us, and I may be speaking for myself here, more than others. But that's part of life, part of growing up, learning as you go.

When you're young, you learn the basics. What's right and what's wrong, how to share, and how to get along with others, for example. But as you get older, those lessons become more complicated and more complex. Because the older you get, the more you see the world isn't black and white. It's a million shades of grey. Ballbusting is one of those shades of grey. Some people get it; others don't. So I thought I'd share some of the rules to busting someone's balls. Yes. There are rules.

For the record, if you're not familiar with the term, ballbusting (among guys) is joking with someone, messing with them, or teasing them in a good-natured way. No harm is meant, no one is serious; it's all in good fun. Please don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure when it comes to male bonding, ballbusting has been around for thousands of years. But, it's something not all guys who do it or deal with it know there are rules.

Yes. Rules. So, being a self-proclaimed expert in the fine art of busting balls, I thought I'd share said rules.

Rule #1 - Remove Your Feels
Like Tom Hanks said in "A League of Their Own," there's no crying in ballbusting! OK, he said baseball, but you get the point. No hurt feelings in a friendly round of ballbusting! For guys, pointing out our flaws to each other helps us not take ourselves so seriously. If you're too sensitive to hear the truth, that's a problem. If you can't handle the truth, we're not sure you can be trusted because you avoid the truth and use your feelings to hide.

Rule #2 - Take Your Medicine
If you dish it out, you've got to be able to take it too. As the person who initiated the ballbusting, the person you ballbusted gets the last ballbust. If you don't want the ballbusting to escalate with someone going home all butt-hurt, suck it up and be humble enough to take your medicine.

Rule #3 - It's Also A Game For Ladies
This is also a game for women. But ladies, there's one ballbust that is definitely out of bounds, and if you go for the jugular, all bets are off. No matter what he says in return, you brought it on yourself.

I don't feel like I have to say this, but I will, for clarity's sake, making reference to him having a small penis in front of his friends and/or other women. The only time this ballbust is acceptable is if he cheated on you, and it's used as revenge. It's also acceptable if the game of ballbusting gets personal, and he goes for your jugular by commenting on your weight, especially if he initiated the ballbusting.

However, it does need to be said that if things go this far, everyone's ignored Rule #1. And that's a cardinal sin in ballbusting.

Rule #4 - No Rooster Blocking Through Ballbusting
Rule #4 is EXTREMELY important! Nobody likes a rooster block! Ballbusting is not allowed in a group of single guys being approached by a group of single women. This is a dick move! The guy who immediately starts ballbusting his friends around single women is covertly rooster blocking. He's looking for attention from the women. He's trying to assert himself as the Alpha male by attempting to make the women laugh while exposing his competition's perceived flaws. That's not a guy you want around. Trust me when I tell you that he'll be the first to hit on your wife/girlfriend when you're not around.

Rule #5 -Moderation
Some guys do nothing but ballbust. Sure, it's fun, but if you're that guy who has nothing to say other than an overused insult, you're just announcing to the world that you have little substance. That's a guy whose friends get sick of pretty quickly and gets invited out less and less for a pop.

Ballbusting 101 class is dismissed. Go forth and happy ballbusting!